Warrior Lunge: In Bondage/ From Bondage/ To…

If they weren’t weird, they wouldn’t be dreams, says my husband. I’ve had a weird dream.

He always deciphers them; mine and his. He remembers his long after the fact and in great detail.

Mine are quickly gone and barely visible but for the ones that reoccur for years, beginning where they left off like a vampire stopped by light; eyes open to eyes closed. Those are not dreams but hauntings.

We crawled up a curved path that felt like a water slide. There were people ahead. We saw only their heads. I realized they were walking. We could walk. Rob and I stood up and walked on together and when the path was finished I realized I had no shoes.

Already far from the path’s end, I walked quickly downhill to the beginning. A boxed in turnstile had been set up. It was locked. I tried climbing into it and a man above called to me; “Hilary, you can’t go in there.”

I was astonished that he knew my name, astonished that he denied me access when I said I had left my shoes behind.

I thought; I have to break down the lunge for my yoga class today.

Turning away from the turnstile, it felt urgent. Explain the meaning of this now.  I can’t forget.

Awake, I wasn’t sure if I had dreamed that part or not but breaking down poses doesn’t interest me right now. I had been falling in and out of sleep in an unlikely way as I usually bolt into the day without lingering.

I was still cast by a spell, the spell that woke me with a red gash on my face the night my husband was out of town, the spell that broke the wire on a painting of his that had held it for twenty years to smash it to the ground without a scratch on that same day he found out that his job was relocating to Arkansas and we have a month to leave our life behind and go.

The spell brought me back to an earlier time without ties when I had slept the sleep of the unfettered and unafraid with love beside me. But the dream said otherwise.

You crawled and then walked and now you have to continue. The man was God. He told you to go without shoes, without his help.  You cannot go back even if you don’t want to go forward. Some things are not a choice.

So I broke down the lunge: Prepared every part of the body.

In the last moments,

Front leg pressed forward and downward.

Back leg pressed backward and up;

Hips locked in between,

Arms reach overhead, hanging from wrists now; bound in shackles:

Spine strings arch up from the anchor freeing nerves and nadis to throw an arc of searching lights.

Nowhere to go: Surrender.

Lungs pulse onward, stretched heart beats and breaks.

Stepping forward, eyes cast up, trusting who to guide the way?

(Dreamed the eve of Good Friday and Passover both: Coincidence?)

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized, yoga

5 responses to “Warrior Lunge: In Bondage/ From Bondage/ To…

  1. Melanie

    And what a challenging class it was, mentally, physically and spiritually. I feel privileged to be part of the manifestation of your dream. Fortunately Easter follows Good Friday. Hope you were able to find freedom in your dreams today.

    • Thanks, Mel. All is well. You know I did not ever say what the metaphysical implication of the lunge was but left it as the imprint of whatever anyone felt. The thought of teaching the pose within that dream reminds me of why I teach yoga, though. And that’s a good thing.

  2. There’s a term, zugzwang, used in chess. It means the compulsion to move. Even if movement means defeat, move we must. Looking back in a linear way the present moment seems so inevitable. I think I see how I got here. But I really don’t. I can break it down and make sense of it, but really all I have is a story. That’s fine.

    I’m always trying to find solid ground, some place to plant my feet – some place from which I cannot be moved. Then some sage comes along and says: Give it up. It’s not like that.

    Beautiful, Hilary. Beautiful. Thank you.

    • I love that. “Give it up. It’s not like that.”

      So maybe we’re on a streaming river instead of a solid path and maybe the work is to build a better boat. Meanwhile we still get caught up in the flotsam, turns and undergrowth and we have to learn to keep the flow in bondage even as we persevere toward freedom.

      Then the day is brilliant, the air sharp and clean from wind and rain, the sun generous in an azure sky and a palette of green that even crayola can’t capture carpets the earth. And you realize that freedom is having the ability to love this; all is in motion but we are in motion together.

      • A long time ago it came to me that a single point in space has no meaning. But if there are two points,,, then you have something to talk about. So I concluded that meaning resides in relatedness. I like your formulation of all in motion together. And to that I would highlight, we are in relationship as we are in motion. We are in relationship to all things as we move and change in our pranic flux. So I can say to myself… anger arises; what is my relationship to it. Freedom is the ability to love this. Now there is the guru relationship! Isn’t life just fascinating!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s