Downloading lessons I once knew but forgot and will forget again is time taken that might be spent howling at the moon.
And howling would feel better and righter and holier than those efforts that disconnect me from my own downloads forgotten in the dust of bins unused and forgotten. ~Hilary
Unseasonably warm under an almost sunny sky I shun my winter coat and scarf and head down the lake road to the woods that I hope will be empty of visitors today. I am not disappointed and choose the long lingering South Cove trail.
Approaching the highest and farthest point of the forest, black clouds surprisingly storm the sun on a furious gust of wind. An upward gaze at the fast moving masses tells me I’m in for it but I press on undeterred by fury’s company.
The storm is upon me. Rain makes no entrance but descends with unnatural gravity. I’m dodging furiously flung branches and bracken by trees trained for turbulence; arching and flexing madly to stay upright. This is no breeze but a gale force wind and I am far from shelter, a lone lately delicate human without a phone. I’m in danger and turn ready for a battle home. Lightening scorches the suddenly pitch sky and thunder’s beating hooves pave my way as I hurl myself up and down the winding path taking my chances with woods as there is no shelter by the lake and though the trees have no thought for this rootless companion, I feel secure on their turf.
Weightless, I’ve left gravity’s heavy domain. Feet that struggle to stay the course on solid earth lift me effortlessly as I navigate twisting hills and valleys, heedless of roots and rocks that trip one up on the most cautious of hikes. I watch myself from outside this self, aware that this galloping wingless flight is not possible. I am nature’s simple creature nimble as the deer scattering up the hill to my right, ears back and eyes narrowed against steely rain.
Not breathless or tired or fearful of falling, I’m sharply aware that the hip that at times cannot even stand a step has been reborn. I don’t falter though the earth has turned to rivers of mud and I do not slip on these shiny rocks or down these ravines and I watch myself do the impossible pressing forward at top speed urged on by the screaming mayhem.
I hit the lake road just as the wind releases its final weapon; hail. I have to make it through the unprotected path between the lake and lagoon. The white caps on the lake threaten the banks and I am strangely curious whether my ankle that cannot run more than a dozen steps on paved surface without seizing will carry me on. I have no choice but to hurl full speed against the wind, hugging the left bank against a wind so strong it threatens to toss me into the snapping turtle lagoon. I beg my legs to hug the road and lean into the wind getting farther than I’d thought before my ankle gives way.
Not self conscious, not unconscious but I am one consciousness while the mind hovers idly by and wonders; is this adrenaline? What a marvelous drug. No. Adrenaline has carried this body, this mind, this matter through impossible odds and this is not adrenaline alone.
This is the taste of truth, the glimpse of immortality of energy manifest as divine and not separate from but one. I know. I have been here before; a reckless and trusting member of that which makes and moves everything, I’ve been taking my chances, playing the odds in untamed circumstances since I was a kid on a bicycle.
Some things you just trust from the beginning.
Home and I realize my hair is tangled with ice and my clothes and shoes can hold no more moisture and what’s this familiar thing still clinging to my face? It’s a shit eating grin.