Report from the Implosion. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Spiritual Exhaustion

Clouds tap Morse code on the skylights overhead.

 

There’s a message I don’t bother to decipher. I don’t really even look. Peripherally aware, I let it go.

 

Last night I brushed my teeth with hydro-cortisone cream and wondered why the toothpaste tasted so bad. It took a long moment to register. And then only because I noticed that something was different about my carefully curated basket beside the sink.  In a quick glance, a painting always on my wall kind of noticing, I recognized that something was off. I’d non-habitually thrown the only thing that relieves the endless bug bites of Tennessee summer next to the toothpaste instead of on the counter where it usually sits till autumn.

 

Ask the people who know me best what comes to mind about my mind and they will tell you I don’t miss a thing. Is it stress or age or exhaustion or depression or what? I’m missing.

 

I turned on the news yesterday morning to hear the Sunday news shows. I’ve been eating a daily breakfast and dinner of world crisis and crazy election shit sandwiches. I watch like I’ll be tested. I watch like something more shocking can occur. I watch like it matters that I know.

 

I switched from one station to the next to get a taste of the offerings. I would say I was paying attention if not my fullest attention as I was making coffee and feeding dogs and putting away dishes washed the night before. But all I heard was blah, blah blah.

 

I steeled myself to the television. What was happening? Is this what they call ADHD? Why can’t I pay attention!! I turned up the volume but I could not make out the words.

 

I could blame it on a Nashville party weekend and there was that but gears don’t slip that far unless they’re totally stripped. Seems I am totally stripped.

 

I haven’t posted much about this election. I have my reasons. But I have written scores. I looked back over some musings today.

 

The phenomena of a reality T.V. figure appropriating the highest branch in the Republican family tree is shocking. How did he do it? He understood an electorate’s doubt in itself and this life. He understood how to slither between the broken shards of people’s uncertainty. Can a guy that sure be wrong? They’re mesmerized by the gold crown on his self anointed head.

 

 

Politicians speak with confidence. We’re used to ignoring them. Trump got our attention with a confidence that didn’t jive with his adolescent insecurity. He fascinates us by calling admirers wonderful and detractors nah -nah names. He reduces the gravitas of President with a combination of juvenile delinquent and Mafia Don while his fans cheer him on. While a person of conscience would have exhausted himself, Trump fueled by the disease of winning can’t stop. While anyone else would have been buried under so much awfulness, Trump’s supporters are enthralled.

Trump RNC

Perhaps they see themselves in him or want to. Maybe it feels good to let all the trappings of civilization get trod under boots thick with the mud you want to roll in. Have we been too tightly wrapped? Are we longing to be overcome and helpless? Do we lack faith in ourselves or just that much faith in the system?

 

The name Clinton no longer has the ring of progressive intelligence. It is besmirched with the wanderings of a sex addict and the hint of lawlessness regrettably tinged with boring that describes the long suffering wife. Still, there is a history there of good deed doings that Trump lacks entirely. It’s something to cling to like a leaky raft. She lacks the history of stomping on the little guy. That’s a clear difference.

Hillary

There is an ongoing history of persuasive leaders and vulnerable followers whether victims of government or kidnappers or even yoga teachers. Not all leaders are the same. Some are idealized and elevated without seeking that status. Some purposefully reach for power. Those work to convince us they know more than we do. Whether different personalities end up in the same muck given the same circumstances or character trumps circumstance is an individual thing. But power is hypnotizing. Ask Frodo.

 

More fascinating is the nature of the follower. My brain almost refuses to dwell on the topic. I want to reduce it to the word douche bag. I want to reduce all annoyances to douche bag right now. But it’s not so simple. We are one body of exhausted people who feel powerless. We are tired of struggling to keep our heads above the quicksand. We’re dying to let go. Not all of that is our fault.

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14 Comments

Filed under American culture, new age enlightenment, politcal action, social action, social commentary, yoga and blogging, yoga wisdom

14 responses to “Report from the Implosion. Blah, Blah, Blah.

  1. The post above contains a thumbnail of what I’ve written this year. I did not say all the awful things about Trump I might because it’s old news now. The news of his advisor’s relationship to Ukraine and Russia is a new story. I’ll let others tell it. I did not say all the praise for Hillary Clinton that I suspect she will earn as a leader. It’s is not fact but impression or hope.

  2. Jilah

    Powerful & profound. Thank you for putting your words out there.

  3. Trying to get back in the loop – been on glorious vacation to visit my daughter in Maine. And I feel better than I did because I got out (for a while, anyway) I got out of the endless loony-loop we get in caught in due to all the surround sound absurdity. We breathe it and drink it in and it’s more toxic than the the air in Shanghai and the drinking water in Flint. That shit will only kill you; this shit will make you want to off yourself. Hilary – we have to Just Say No! Trump could roast babies on live teevee and there are a legion of crackers out there that would still vote for him. Don’t attempt to be rational about this! Just keep your hands where the drones can see them and back away from the teevee! I love you, Nashville. It’s gonna be ok. But maybe not anytime soon.

    • Of course even your response is pure poetry to my ears you dearest of wise warriors. You are right I am sure, though I tend to watch for all those that look away as I’m the one who keeps the wings up on the airplane when the flight is long and I want to shut my eyes. It’s always been my way. I don’t trust that everything is the way it should be as much as everything is the way we let it be or not be. Everything is the way it should be is my go to when I’m feeling defeated. Sigh. So now I’m with you and frankly it feels more like defeat than victory. We all need a taste of awe right now. I’m glad you stepped outside. xo

      • I think things are not the way they should be; I think things are the way they must be. It’s the result of millennia of collective karma. That’s both depressing and hopeful. We own this mess, and only we can fix it. And it will be fixed. More correctly, we will evolve away from it. It’s going to take a while though. Human consciousness has to evolve away from its obsessive self-interest. That has to be our work, or what else are we doing here? Those who are a little bit woke can’t give up. This is the hand we’ve dealt ourselves and we have to play it. And we shouldn’t turn away. We have to stay with it. But we don’t need to get compulsive about watching the freak show. That’s not engagement. We need to feel it, and we also need to stay sane. I see no defeat or victory. This is a long haul to transcend dichotomies like victory and defeat. Very important – we have each other. Sangha is crucial. It’s a long road, and at the end of our time we hand off to the next one. It’s collective and cumulative. When we fall back or need to step back, another steps forward. We need each others support. We can’t keep this struggle to ourselves. We reach out to each other. Hang in there, friend. You’re not alone. After all, it’s about love.

  4. Spoken like a great teacher. But I don’t feel that much of that love is genuinely around. I do not see a trustworthy community. I see myopia. And I am homesick for a place I don’t know anymore. But still, I get the job of staying sane and present without too much involvement. I was having a long long moment. xo

    • I was feeling the love when I was in Maine. Everybody wanted to see me, and I was with my daughter every day. And I slept good every night, and now that I’m home I’m still sleeping. The love was healing. My dear wife gives me lots of love. But being back there, seeing my daughter and my yoga sangha – that was powerful medicine. And I hadn’t taken any of my worries with me on vacation. What I want to say to you, my sister, is that there is love all around you. Love is pure and unchanging. It’s of the essence. Problem is that ego jumps in looking for a payoff to offset its fears and insecurities, etc., etc. And pretty soon love starts looking like jealousy, possessiveness, and all the rest of it. Ego attaches its issues to love. But the love is there unchanged, uncorrupted. People around you might be trippin, but I am certain that there is love of you all around you. But stress and worry get in the way of seeing it. Or receiving it. That’s my experience, anyway. I want you to stop taking on so much stress, Hilary. It will mess you up. And what is accomplished? Try to practice witness consciousness. Get a little space between you and the crazy. I’ve done news boycotts and not missed a damn thing. People say, you’ve got to keep up! And I say, well is the country still sexist, racist, homophobic, unjust, and often brutal? Is the country/world still run by the patriarchy? If so, then I haven’t missed anything. I’m not saying we should turn our backs. I’m saying don’t eat the garbage. Get on a healthy emotional diet. And you have a sangha. You have me, and others too, I’ll bet. Turn the fire down; get off of boil for a while. You’ll find home again. We need you.

  5. A little space is always good for sure. I was thinking today how much I feel love that is something abiding but not of this physical world. The day to day of course has moments of it though for me they are found most often in the wild. I’m here. If anyone needs me, those who know me know they have me. That does not waver.

    • Agree. I hold myself available for anyone who needs me. Otherwise I tend to cherish my solitude. And I can see love all around. I really can. It doesn’t have to be aimed at me to cheer me up. I’m with you – love isn’t a thing, it’s a state of being. And come to it, I suspect it needn’t have an object at all. We can just be in love. You and I know where to find each other.

  6. I’ve been out of the loop for awhile but, as always, I remain impressed with the quality of your writing. Stripped gears or not. 😉

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